4 Steps To Shift Negativity | My Kidney Stone Surgery Story

10729337_1563079207259889_559085223_nDid you wonder where I was last week? I didn’t post ALL WEEK, not a peep from WW-land, not even Monday Meanderings. I’ve posted Meanderings weekly for over 4 years now when I started this blog & I’ve often said I do it so religiously that if you don’t see a Monday post from me I’m probably in the hospital because I’d move heaven & earth to get that post up. Well last week there was no post, and yep I really was in the hospital. If you follow me on Instagram you know what was up.  I’m just now starting to feel myself & I learned a lot from the entire week.

I’m sharing the wisdom I gained from this experience today with four steps you can apply to any situation that seems negative in the moment. To show these I’ll be using an example from my life that I’m still working through trying to turn this obstacle into an opportunity. Last weekend I unexpectantly got Kidney Stones (worst pain ever, they say it’s worse than childbirth and I won’t doubt it) and ended up having to have surgery to remove them. This experience really took me out for an entire week and here’s what I did to get back into the flow.

Step 1- FEEL, TO HEAL.

First I allowed myself to feel.

This was the authentic journaling I wrote just after my surgery. Real raw and sharing so you can see how I felt.

I ate food I didn’t want to eat

Haven’t moved in days.

Haven’t done my usual meditations.

I had surgery.

I had to take an antibiotic.

I had to take pain medication.

I haven’t been creative or even Instagrammed in days.

It’s all going to cost so much money I don’t want to spend.

I’m frustrated.

I feel behind in work and my passion projects.

I’m so behind on email.

And above all flooded with guilt– what if I could turn that guilt to gratitude?

Compassion for myself and the people who took care of me?

Gratitude for the kind messages of love and support?

That would make me feel better for sure.

As you can see here, this journal entry started out really negative, but by the end I had shifted it to the positive and choose a different perspective. I couldn’t start with the positive, it was an important step for me to FEEL and RELEASE the real negative feelings I was having. Pretending they weren’t there and going right to the positive would not have worked.


4decb62c249311e3831f22000a9f13a0_7After I fully allowed what I was feeling, I let myself release all of the above as ask to see it differently. Above is what my journaling pages looked like and this is the prayer I wrote to shift all this negativity to lightness. I surrendered and asked for a miracle. Here’s what I wrote.

Dear Universe,

I send back this large order of guilt and I order compassion, love, and gratitude instead. Please show me why this situation happened, what I’m meant to learn here and how I’m supposed to heal and get back in the flow and come back from this stronger that I was before. I release completely all guilt and negativity. It is gone now.

Thank you. 


1390270_1554320548119826_213882488_nAfter I fully allowed what I was feeling, I let myself list out some gratitude that came with the situation.

This was the authentic journaling I wrote just after my surgery. Real raw and sharing so you can see how I felt.

I happened to be home when it happened so my mom could take me to the hospital.

My nurse at surgery was an angel and had the exact same name as me.

My friends were super kind and sent me tons of advice and love.

Deep appreciation for my body’s ability to heal. 

New compassion for people with chronic pain. 

New understanding for Western Medicine. 

Emotional opening to understand where these issues are coming from. 


As sit here now writing this I may not be completely clear on why this situation occurred or what I’m meant to learn here. Although I do know I felt a lot of compassion and love in my heart during this entire experience and I plan to be kind to my body and use this as an opening to get closer with my body and listen more to the messages it sends me.

Basically, I know I have real work to do in this lifetime- I want to help a lot of people and to do that I need serious vitality. So now in this step we wait and listen to the guidance we get on how to turn your specific obstacle into an opportunity, an opening, or a lesson.

Thanks for allowing me to authentically share what I just went through in real time.

I missed ya WW-land. Thanks for all the love and prayers. I felt every single one of them. I’m so grateful and keep em coming!


PS. I saw this great video on the difference between empathy and sympathy. I share this post for empathy to show people they’re not alone if they’ve ever felt like I did this week and to show how I was able to climb out of it.


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{Serious Post} I wasn’t sure if I should Share

181249_1649729243740_877179584_nOkay here we go, I wasn’t sure if I should share this, but the message is important so please read. This photo is on my Instragram from 2 years ago (you’d have to scroll until your thumbs tired to find it). It depicts my orthorexia perfectly not just because I’m scary skinny for my body but because I’m holding a bouquet of kale like it’s the happiest thing in my life, which at the time kale was which is the scariest thing about this photo. When you get more joy from kale, supplements, and your body than you do about your life, something is off.

That was the case for me, but at the time I had no idea. I had no idea how mentally (& yes physically) sick I was. That’s why I’m sharing.


You could have an issue with food & your body without being underweight. Get honest with yourself, what are your thoughts around food & your body? Are they truly healthy?

I have come along way & look nothing like that lollipop girl (head too big for body) I must get honest about something… I DO WANT TO GO BACK THERE sometimes…that’s the f’ed up truth. The nastiest thing is that I still I occasional judge myself in the mirror. If I’m being completely honest, having been at that weight before the thoughts of wanting return to it still plague me from time to time, BUT NOW I am AWARE of how psycho that is, so I choose a different thought, I do not entertain that nasty thought of not feeling good enough at my current size and wanting to be that thin again. Now I choose to seek out role models who are rocking it at whatever size they are meant to be.

Why do I still want to return to this scary image above? Many reasons:

-I could blame the fact that society idolizes this type of shape.

-I could blame the fact that “thin privilege” does exist, and that we idolize the thin as “healthy” even when it is far from it.

-I could blame the fact that when I was this weight, I received “compliments” like “you’re so tiny” & “you can wear whatever you want.” (I also had many people concerned & trying to help me [save me] at the same time, thank you!)  I was often still applauded for this size… & that my friends, is CRAZY f-ed up shit!

But here’s the thing,  I don’t ‘blame’ anything, rather I’m grateful. Yes, I’m grateful I still have these thoughts because I realize how f’ed up they are & I was meant to share this with you & my mission is to shift this societal paradigm.

Bottom-line: I could choose to make my body my masterpiece by spending hours exercising and controlling my food OR I could make my LIFE my masterpiece & be my natural size, believe I’m good enough there, and fucking rock my life as a way to TAKE A STAND AGAINST “THIN PRIVILEGE” & SOCIETY’S WARPED IDEAL OF BEAUTY. I choose the latter, who is with me? If you are in tell me. I need a crew to do this with me if I am to succeed.  That was deep. But you guys, I’m seeing so much disordering eating shit around me and I just want to help so bad it kills me sometimes. That’s my honest truth. Thanks for reading this. & Listen to this episode if you want more on my story &What am I doing to heal these thoughts you might ask? I taking IDF’s masterclass. Today is the very last day to join. Let me know if you’re down to heal this craziness with me here.

& meanwhile this is happening in our world? are you joking with me?

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EPISODE 056 | WWRadio with ME! + a Surprise Three-peat Guest

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Did you like  last weeks’s WWRadio episode with Isabel? If you haven’t heard that listen to it here. Today’s episode I bring her back in the second half of the episode for bonus content, but the first half is just me. Hope that’s cool? It’s just us hanging out on the show with me telling my own story when it comes to food and weight. I share my own raw insights on my relationship with food and body image. The I share some additional content with Isabel Foxen Duke the emotional freedom from food extraordinaire and coach, Isabel stopped by Wonderland on episode 009 and episode 055 to shed light on real techniques on how to release toxic relationships to food and tell her personal food journey that led her to the work she does with women today.

This episode is packed with info that is kinda radical so you might want to listen a few times to really let it soak in. Also, I get really honest about my story for the first time publically so I hope that’s cool and perhaps some of you can relate. If any of these things we spoke about resonate with you click here to sign up for her FREE video training series to go deep into her concepts or email me if you have questions specifically or would like to mentor with me.

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My favorite lines & nuggets of wisdom: YEP THEY’RE TWEETABLES…Just click right on ‘em!

“The reason people diet is because they don’t feel good enough in their bodies or fear fat.”

“People who diet think about food more.”

“Dessert is emotional eating & it is fine.” 

 “Find Freedom from Food, stop fighting it for good” 


-Binge eating can come from emotional restriction (as well as physical food restriction), ie. ‘the diet starts tomorrow’ If you are shaming or guilting yourself, you will have the impulse to “get it in quick (binge eat) because the diet starts again tomorrow.”

-Weight is a temping thing to use to control how other people think of us BUT…a. It’s not that effective because yes people judge you on your size but they also judge you on a million other things too. b. You have to ask yourself what are you willing to put yourself through to get people to like and respect you. Are you willing to make yourself miserable by dieting to make people like you or not?

-If you have a history of dieting…then when you are stressed you will turn to food and eat, but the biological response in stressful situations is to not eat. So non-dieters will not eat when they are stressed because they will loose their appetite. This response but be reset for chronic dieters. Learn how here. 


-IFD’s new Masterclass program & FREE Video Trailing Series. Sign up here!
-My most recent interview with IFD with her giving us info on her MasterClass program & free video training.
-Our last interview episode 055

-Isabel’s Website | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
-WWRadio episode 009 our first interview
-What if Emotional Eating was a Good thing? That time where I interviewed IFD for The Beauty Bean
-How to Not Be Crazy Around Food another interview with IFD! 

- Listen to this podcast on Simplecast!

-Like the show? Leave a comment or question for me or our guest below. Also, it would be awesome if you could leave an iTunes review when you have a second too (just launch the iTunes application to get it to work).

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Monday Pretty Great Meanderings

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How was your weekend? I’m back with a BONUS episode of the Podcast a part 2 to the season 1 premiere episode. So get excited to listen to that Wednesday. Until then, couple things:
1. Are you signed up for my WW-land community emails ? You totally should. I send out rad stuff.
2. Subscribe to the 
podcast on iTunes so you never miss when the latest episode airs.

 Without further ado below are my meanderings of the internet & above are my Insta-glimpses into my past week. Enjoy and I love you. 

-Last week’s Meanderings were food themed Read em here! 

and I can’t resist giving you a few more recipe links…

I love this so much and I loved it and remember their first Yoga Pot! Green Kitchen Stories new yoga pot recipe & video.  

-yum yum yum sugar-free cookies! I made these yesterday and they are SO GOOD! (see photo above)

-Did you love cinnamon toast crunch as much as I did? Probably, because it’s freaking tasty stuff. Here’s a green smoothie version that’s so YUMMY!  Give it a blend. & listen to the creator of this recipe on WWRadio Episode 053-Jenny Sansouci

-Want an entire ebook full of the most amazing smoothie recipes? This Breakfast Criminals ebook is the only smoothie book you’ll ever need. I even make an appearance in it!

-& while we’re still talking food, have you watched IFD’s amazing video series to STOP FIGHTING FOOD & EMOTIONAL EATING! guys, I’m doing her Masterclass and I think you should too. Let me know.

-I started writing for my mentor Elle Griffin’s online magazine Over The Moon. Here’s my first article which is all about pleasure. Read it here and let me know what you think! 

-I’m also hosting the Over the Moon Podcast with Elle, so I highly suggest listening to that here.

-Here’s my WWRadio Episode 050 with Elle Griffin  to learn more about her and her work.

Speaking of pods…

-My favorite podcast to listen to lately omg guys it is so good, Food Psych. You’ve got to check it out. 

-A radically real article from one of my best friends and I even make a cameo in it! 

- While we’re being real….my thing is standing up while eating. Read more about 10 ways I healed this here.

- Do you have my Get my Enlightened Eating Tool Kit?

-Creative abundance. 

-Like what I do here in WW-land? Want to get more of me? I work with a select crew of girls who want to go deep into their WW-land.  Email me if you want info on my rad mentoring program. Guys, like it’s so super cool…ah I love it so much.



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Foodie Monday Meanderings

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Hello peeps, I’m so happy to be in Wonderland with you today and sharing my Monday Meanderings with you as usual. This week’s links all have a bit of a theme: FOOD. Is food on your mind a lot? If you’re into wellness or high-vibe foods at all it probably is merely for the reason that if you choose to eat that way you have to think consciously about your decisions around food more than someone who does not. While I’m not saying at all that it is a bad thing necessarily but, it is when those thoughts about food become unmanageable when it becomes another issue. When it becomes for example, driving around frantically trying to find a certain type of nut butter on a vacation because you couldn’t possibly eat the food being served and you NEED to eat. That’s when you’re making food special and yourself special. You are making food something that can save you from the present moment instead of simply being in the moment.

Woah. That was some deep shit for Monday Meanderings, but I think talking about this and getting honest about our relationship with food is important. We can talk about food and recipes and health all day, but are we discussing those things as a coping mechanism to not have to feel our emotions or handle our stressful situations? Again, coping is okay and sometimes when I’m stressed I do choose to read tons of articles on wellness or zone out on  Instagram to cope but other times I actually choose to handle my feelings. The woman to taught me about this and what was really going on when I was googling gluten-free, daily-free, soy free, recipes for hours was my WWRadio guest (listen to that episode 055 here if you want to know more about that) last week. Hope you liked that episode & if you did she’s got a free video series on this concept and more you should totally check out.

So yeah today’s meanderings are basically all food related in honor of what I wrote above. But before we get into those links that caught my eye. I have a few announcements. First of all, the PODCAST is back but it is not going to be weekly for a while, hope you guys are cool with that. For now the show will come out on a more bi-weekly basis for a couple reasons:

-So I can keep bringing you rad content, 
-So you have time to let this really high-level info sink in. If you’re like me re-listen a few times.
-Because this week I want us to listen to this rad summit my friend and previous WWRadio guest is hosting
-& last but not least because I’m co-hosting another podcast again with a past WWRadio guest called Over the Moon Radio & you can listen to that here. It’s a super groovy show and you can hear me on many of the episodes. 

With that, you’ll want to make sure you sign up for my WW-land community emails and subscribe to the podcast on iTunes so you never miss when the latest episode airs now. & without further ado below are my foodie meanderings & above are my Insta-glimpses into my past week. Eat up. 

oh and wait, about my weekend/week yeah I met Mastin Kipp on his book tour where he stopped in Detroit to see me (and a lot of cool other peeps) and he signed my book as you can see above and agreed to come on WWRadio, yay! Also, I taught at rad ego eradicator meditation in my yoga class Sunday morning and went to this sweet new moon infinity circle on Friday night, so yeah that’s what you see above.

-A song to listen to while you meander or cook. To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.

-These muffins look so amazing right now! Who wants to make them with me? Purely Twins are so creative in the kitchen.

-Shredded Beet & Carrot Salad now this looks so grounding and good I can’t even handle it.

-Spirulina Millet omg yum want this so bad!

-Warm Beet Kale bowl, will someone make this for me please?

-Sautéed Collards with Herbs yum yum yum I want this too.

-Yummy pumpkin spice smoothie! 

-Cauliflower Risotto omg. sounds amazing. 

-No sugar blackberry muffins 

-Sugar-free chocolate cookies I’m going to make. 

- I think this is genius! 

-A Couple Cooks, how cute are they?

-Minty Fresh 

-CHECK out IFD’s amazing video FREE series from to STOP FIGHTING FOOD & EMOTIONAL EATING!

-Get my Enlightened Eating Tool Kit, it’s rad. 

-How to Eat Slower! 

-If you liked the above topic on Eating Slower check out this post about how I healed my relationship with food and became Finally Full.  My thing is standing up while eating. Read more about 10 ways I healed this here.

-How I finally got over all my food craziness & 10 tips for you to too.


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